I'll add as things come up since these just pop into my head when I see something...
I'd rather walk up 4 flights of stairs carrying canned cat food than get in the elevator with that tightly-pantalooned douche in the lobby. (I sound strangely like my sister April when I'm an asshole)
hbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb (Looks like my Leonard felt like typing)
Your husband looks like he cuts his own hair. Or like your 2 year old did.
Get your poop ass out of my face Sheldon! (I actually said that, though)
More duck face selfies and gigantic way too high eyebrows. Why are we friends again?
Apostrophe s does not make it plural. Taco's does NOT mean more than one taco!
It's supposedly NOT supposably.
I block some of my friends' posts on Facebook so that I can continue to like them in real life.
Enough with your valley girl bitch accent. You sound rude even when you're being polite.
Why do you wear heels that make it look like you don't know how to walk? It's not cute.
Stop yelling at your girlfriend...she should be yelling at you about those sideburns.
If you weren't such a dumbass we wouldn't be in this situation.
Can you say hypocrite? (This one I'm not saying just to keep the peace...)
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I am ridiculous
Every so often I get the idea in my head that my dad didn't actually die. He just faked his own death and went away. As horrible as i...
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