Amigas...Hermanas

So I was driving to work on Thursday and something made me think of my friend Claudia. We've been friends for 30 years. We've lived several states apart- while in high school and before the dawn of social media- and we kept in touch and have always been able to pick up right where we left off. She's like a sister I got to choose. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Anyway, I started thinking about our friendship. She's always there with advice, to hear out my nonsense, to support me, and help me through whenever I'm down. I feel like I'm always falling back into being a mess and she's there to talk me through it. When I feel like I'm an awful person for thinking or saying something, she assures me that she has had the exact same thought or said something even worse or done something more embarrassing.

But what do I do for her? I couldn't think of a damn thing. That can't be the case, though, right? If it is, I don't know how we've maintained this friendship for so long.

This thought had me in tears and I was crying nearly all the way to work (damn having all these feelings again!). Which made me feel like an idiot...and grateful that I was wearing waterproof mascara for a change.

I still couldn't figure out what I bring to the relationship. I wanted to ask, but I felt like it would make her upset to know that I felt this way- she's good like that. I mean, nobody's in it for the cookies I make or to come over and visit my cats, and people really don't want to hear my worst-case scenarios, even if they're at least a little bit funny. Maybe it's that I don't judge her...and that we can silly-judge people we don't know. Or that we've known each other through almost every stage of our lives and somehow we still fit together?

Gah, the joys of being exhausted...