Illogical conclusions

My friend told me that he had eight teeth pulled, but gave no further details. That left me with so many questions. Why so many teeth? Did he have too many teeth? Did he eat too much candy? When did this happen? Were they all pulled at the same time? He currently appears to have a full set of teeth. The only logical conclusion is that he's part shark and had rows and rows of teeth, so pulling eight teeth was like pulling one tooth from a non-shark person. 

I have very strong opinions about maybe five things in the world, and parades are one of them. I hate parades. Why are people getting up early to get a spot sitting on the curb? Who wants to line the street to look at someone ride by on a horse or see the high school marching band? I don't understand the allure of standing on the street watching people do (boring) things when you could actually be doing something. In the town where I live, most parades actually result in me being trapped on my street for at least half the day (I'm pretty sure that's not exactly legal). I know this makes no sense when I'm perfectly fine with watching TV and movies. But whatever, I hate parades. They're a good time to go on rides at Disneyland. 😉

My cat is super lazy and won't even walk over to her own food bowl to eat. I carry her to her dish half the time. I've tried to talk sense into her. I told her she's not an invalid, so I won't be carrying her to her food anymore. That didn't seem to work for some reason...

I can't watch the news anymore because it's too maddening to hear what's become "normal" in this country. I actively avoid most of the news because it's one thing after another designed to distract from the really egregious actions behind the scenes. Does nobody else hear how dumb it sounds when the anchorperson starts a sentence with "President Trump tweeted..."? What the hell has this world come to? Are people in this country actually this stupid, racist, sexist, homophobic, and gullible?

I'm going to New Orleans in two weeks!!! I'm excited to play softball there, but I'm more excited to eat. Hushpuppies, beignets, barbecue, whatever else looks good when I get there. Mmmmmm...food (insert Homer Simpson drooly face/noises here). My doctor said if I only gain five pounds while I'm there, he'll consider it a success- he even recommended a couple of restaurants to try. Permission!!!